The Mother

A good friend recently shared with me this song, which she said always reminds her of me. Not only is it a refreshingly honest depiction of motherhood, but her daughter's name also translates easily to Josephine when I sing it to my daughter- which is very, very often. This song tugs at my heart almost viciously.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z865nKpgH0Q

The song strikes such a poignant balance between all that is gained and lost in motherhood. To no longer have your body, your possessions, your time or even your mind to yourself is a life-changing sacrifice. She sings about the loss of freedom and the very real difficulty of watching others pursue their own goals and plans, while early motherhood can seem to put your life on hold. I am sure that every mother can relate to no longer "being alone inside your mind [and] tethered to another"- it can feel like a loss of identity.

Yet she sings of her newfound identity: "I am the mother of Evangeline". Bittersweet though it is to leave your old self behind, this little person will remove selfishness and a thousand other vices. She will show you what in your life is really important, and what you are really better off without. The stripping away of the old self is a painful process. The lines about fighting for her daughter really resonated with me, as it seems every step of motherhood so far has indeed been a battle; first for her life during her birth, then for both of our recoveries in the NICU, then the endless fight to get her breastfeeding, and still the continuing battle to keep the whole family reasonably happy given her difficult temperament. I loved the reminder that Josephine someday will be, and in some ways already has been, fighting alongside me. Even the fight in itself has a certain painful beauty.

The chafing and stripping down of my former self is not always something that comes naturally or even something that I always welcome. But her magical and beautiful little soul has given me a keener sight for the things that matter. The whole world is still turning on and on, and yet since becoming a mother, my entire world has changed. I am the mother of Josephine.